the state that i am in

just a few things:

sometimes i wish that i was not always the one who was not in the mood to go to bed. i wonder if it's because i don't possess some level of maturity or intelligence that says you should probably get some sleep that everyone else pays attention to. (p.s. if you are expecting this post to make any grammatical sense whatsoever, it won't. it's almost 3 a.m.) i also wish i didn't resent people who want to go to sleep. perhaps resent is a little strong.. but i almost beg people to stay up with me. not because i have anything big amazing entertaining plans or anything just because at that moment in time, i feel that going to bed is a waste of time. i want to stay up and talk, watch legends of the hidden temple on nickelodeon, etc. i am usually always the last one awake. i do some of my best thinking at this time, and it's when the most interesting conversations take place. so one day, i hope to meet somebody who can out last me. i know my friends can, but i want to meet somebody that will outlast me. someone that lacks that bit of common sense, and is willing to stay up all night, even if it means doing absolutely nothing at all.

psh. and people tell me i am much akin to an elderly person. you tell me what elderly person stays up all night just in the anticipation that something might happen or some insightful things might be said.

though, truth be told
i'm perfectly content
in being like an old person. i find it to be less exhausting than trying to be hip.
i'm boring,
that's okay.


driving very late at night or really early in the morning is in my top favorite things to do. sometimes i try to figure out why. i think the biggest part of it is that there are a serious lack of cars. i get frustrated by too many cars pushing me to go faster or making me go slower. always having to switch lanes. squinting because somebody won't turn their brights off in my rear view mirror. attitudes. late at night or early morning are such solitary times. and something is so peaceful about thinking how other people are home, asleep. their days haven't started yet. mine hasn't ended. the music is up too loud, i might wake up the neighbors as i drive in, and the freeway lights stretch on forever.

so while i'm waxing poetic and everything i look down and there is a spider crawling on my shirt. now i am terrified to go to sleep. freak out.

so, i could use some good conversation, driving is wonderful, and now everytime my hair moves across my face i am convinced that it is a spider.

that's all.