the truth is, i miss you

since we last talked

i eat a ridiculous amount of junior mints
my hair is somewhat longer and blonder.
i find i relate better to the middle aged women that work at dillard's then those who are my own age
i have a fascination with indian jewelry. aka the stuff they sell in booths on the fourth of july and other such summer holidays
i drive an automatic without a name
i go to dance clubs? ha
scary movies don't keep me up at night anymore

sometimes i wonder what i used to write about. days like today when i did absolutely nothing but i've taken a liking to sitting on the deck in that ridiculous chair and reading. currently it's slaughterhouse five i'm very picky about the books i read lately (oh you know except for those vampire books.. what in the world.) there are just so many classic, good books to read that i feel bad reading anything else.

so i guess it's time to force it out of me....
summers always go by too fast and no matter how ready you are for them to be over it's a depressing thing to have end pretty soon i'll have to start rolling my windows up and i used to wonder why they said that letter writing was a lost art but now i understand completely because i have never been one to write with much continuity and i feel like i have to say everything at once in a letter because i might not hear back for over a month but i'll miss the smell of sprinklers and grass and the fan that blows it all into my room how i spend most of my time trying to figure myself out and how i should be reacting i could be so mad one minute but want to call at 2 in the morning the next to make sure everything is okay music has never stopped meaning everything to me and sometimes i wonder if i'll still be making mixes to fit every possible moment when i'm 35. i'm hopelessly boring but everybody knows that secretly i'm okay with it because i have done nothing to change it i'm almost as boring as i am repetitive and i wonder about people i haven't talked to in 2 years and who i won't be talking to in two more. it's summers like this the only summer like this that i've had that i really come to appreciate my family because there are the constants i never feel like i contribute much to the family that i'm kind of an observer and i'm still trying to figure out how to portray myself but i am myself with them but now half of them are across the country taking the majority of my nephews with them and i am almost too shy to call.


i think too much now.