alpine center this is alison

my job: a memoir.

lady calls with a heroine addict daughter. our therapists are all booked until thursday. (keep in mind heroine addicts should be admitted into inpatient treatment or even the emergency room.)
"so if my daughter dies this week i'm just supposed to say sorry they were too booked up?"

a few weeks ago:
" i need some advice. my husband is homicidal and suicidal. i'm staying with friends. he refuses to take medication. he threatened to kill someone else in the house and asked them to put him out of his misery. he has a gun."
"uh... we only have therapists here. it sounds like he might need medication i would try calling a psychiatrist. or the police."
"yeah i am just wondering if you could get him in today. or if you can't, what do you think i should do?"
"i think you should call the police."
"okay but what kind of advice can you give me?"
"um i'm sorry i'm just a receptionist i'm not really authorized to give advice... it sounds like an emergency situation, so.."



another lady calls with a suicidal daughter. i am panicking trying to fit her in. she harrasses and gets very mad at me because i can't get her in with any providers at the time she wants. finally i find something.
me: "okay okay something just opened up could you come in today at 2:00?"
mother?: "ugh. well i don't want to have to rearrange my whole schedule for this."


i have this conversation at least three times a day:
"hi i'm just calling to check when my appointment is."
"okay looks like it's wednesday at 4:00."
"oh well i have it written down for 4:45"
"ah.. yeah i'm sorry i'm not sure what happened must have been a miscommunication somewhere but i have you in the book here at 4:00"
"well i have it in my planner for 4:45"
"i'm sorry she doesn't have that slot open, but can you still make 4:00?"
"i just don't understand. i have it written down for 4:45. are you sure??"


i decided to treat myself to a SmartOnes microwave single serving pizza for lunch. our microwave here is so old i had to cook it for 12 minutes instead of 3. it was gross. but now, 3 hours later and helping multiple patients and conversing with doctors i only now realize i've had pizza sauce on my face the entire time.

i have gotten into the habit of adding an "mm" to all of my bye's. as in "mmmbye." i've tried to stop, i can't. i feel like i should be calling people "ma'am" any day now like a full-fledged receptionist.


i'm ready for school.