everybody's making faces in the dark

Faces in the Dark by The Generationals

(a cheery song to counteract the cynicism of the following post)

being an english teaching major i don't really have loads of opportunities to meet
boys. english major boys are of a special breed. a breed i am not attracted to
beyond their ability to (sometimes) dress well. i.e. the boy that sits behind me
in my new american lit class with the cool argyle socks. i'm in love with them
until they open their mouths. then i am less in love. they usually have some
really strong opinion (or several. about everything)that they find impossible
to articulate under 200 words.
maybe i'm generalizing? 
not really though.

i usually have to count on my religion class (my only not english or
education class) for meeting guys (i say as if i've met loads of guys in
class. i haven't. but i always have loads of hope at the beginning of the
semester.) today a cute boy in my religion class
and i were making eyes at each other. and by that i mean i looked at him.
and i probably looked like this:

(a creepy product of a series of self portraits i took to try to showcase my new haircut.fail.)

and sometimes he looked back. he sat across the aisle from me. i spent the next ten minutes planning if i should smile at him or not or if that would be creepy (yes) or if i should sit next to him in the next class, what are some quirky conversation topics that would showcase my wit and how fun i really am. as he's talking to the girl next to him i overhear him say that he's from england. at this point i decide i'm probably going to marry him. i think how perfect life will be when i move back to england and how easy it will be to fall in love with a boy with an accent. as i'm naming our children the teacher asks, "okay so who in here is married?" british boy raises his hand. i am pretty sure my disappointment, nay my total dejection, was visible though i hope so hard that it wasn't. stupid boy keeping your left hand under your coat. stupid me thinking you were looking at me when you were probably just staring at my really loud clothes (wore a particularly bright outfit today) or were just creeped out that i was (possibly) gawking. the best part of this whole episode is the particularly creepy feeling you get after having a crush (however short-lived it might have been) on a married person.

i once had a friend tell me he falls in love 20 times a day. i finally understand that and might add to it that i go through 20 break ups a day.