...to the extent that it's absurd

information overload

2012-01-18T20:44:00.000-07:00

the internet is both the best and the worst thing to happen to new moms.

ch-ch-ch-changes

2012-01-16T17:12:00.002-07:00

2011

2012

elsie rae

2012-01-15T16:37:00.002-07:00

as a new mom it's always hard to know how to best utilize any "two-hands-free" time. if elsie will let me put her down for more than five minutes, i usually put her in the bouncy chair next to the running dryer which she stares at in fascination while i take a way too long shower.

right now she's sleeping happily in her bassinet, and i really should be working. but here we are.

elise rae. who knew such a little person could flip your entire life upside down. in good ways, hard ways, and the best ways.

birth story? i'll give it a whack. if reading about birth grosses you out, you can satiate yourself on these details: i was in labor for about 8 hours. everything went really great. elsie was born december 23, 2011. 8 lbs. 9 oz., 22 inches long. lots of dark brown hair. adorable. kiss kiss.

for the rest of you...

to say i labored for 8 hours is sort of a lie because i had "practice" contractions for about a month, with a few bouts of really strong ones in the two weeks before "real" labor actually kicked in. i was incredibly frustrated with all the practice contractions, especially once my due date came and went.

on decemeber 22 i went in to the midwife. i was dilated to a 3, which was good news to me--i would have been so frustrated if all of those early contractions hadn't done a thing. my midwife offered to strip my membranes, which was pretty tempting, but i declined. i was determined not to do any sort of induction (aside from all the "natural" induction stuff i'd been trying for weeks).

that night wes and i went grocery shopping. our cart looked like a 16-year-old boy had done the grocery shopping. totino's pizza, cereal, pudding, frozen burritos, etc. neither of us cared. i was so grumpy from still being pregnant we both decided we deserved to eat awful, awful food. we came home, cooked a pizza, and watched about a boy. went to bed around 11:30.

i lay there for awhile, and started to feel crampy around 12:00. i wasn't ready to believe this was the real thing because of all the false contractions i'd had before. i took a shower to see if they'd slow down. they didn't.

i went back to bed and turned on my hypno birthing affirmations. i eventually had to wake wes up to help me through each contraction. i was so uncomfortable and never in my life have i hated marie mongan's voice more. we turned off the hypnobirthing tracks and went out the family room. i turned on gilmore girls. i got on my hands and knees, leaning on the ottoman during each contraction. as they got worse, wes did counter-pressure on my lower back, which was kind of killer for him because he has a busted wrist.

anyway, as my hypnobirthing teacher often said, most of labor really is boring. there isn't really much to say about the next six hours. i'd sit on the floor and watch gilmore girls while wes tried to sleep between contractions. when a contraction came, i'd get on my hands and knees, breathe, wes would apply counter-pressure, repeat.

my contractions were coming about 4 minutes apart and 45 seconds long for a long time. i finally got tired of timing them. around 4:30-5 i started to feel really bad for wes; he was exhausted. i called my mom to come help do counter pressure so he could sleep a little. by the time my mom got there, my contractions were coming pretty close together, but i still felt like i could handle them.

our plan was to avoid going to the hospital as long as possible to avoid interventions. i wanted to labor at home until it became too much to handle. though my contractions were definitely intense, i still felt like i had a grip on things, so i wasn't really panicking. i started shaking during my contractions, and they were coming so fast that my mom said we'd better get to the hospital.

at this point, sitting in the car sounded like the worst thing in the world. luckily weston drove fast and still did counter pressure on my knees to get me through each contraction.

at the hospital i had to stop in the lobby to get through a contraction. the receptionist still made me spell my name three times.

the triage nurse was also pretty chatty. my contractions were coming really close together, and i had reached the point where i was aware of what was going on around me but i couldn't really respond. she just kept chatting and chatting taking her tiiiiime, "wow you're really in the zone aren't you?!" yes. shut up.

they had two nurses check me, and i was dilated to an 8. holla!

the rest is really a blur. i started pushing pretty quickly after they took me to my room. this is when i started to become unglued, but with the support of weston and my mom, i was able to get through the thoughts of "wow i'm never going to have this baby. they're going to have to cut it out of me. not happening." the nurses started to coach me through the pushing, making me hold my breath, and basically go against everything i'd learned in hypnobirthing. that part was rough, but i only had to push for half an hour, and because i was really starting to lose it, i'm grateful it was only that long.

elsie rae was born at 8:17 a.m. on december 23, 2011.

giving birth was an unreal experience. i am so glad that weston was the perfect birth partner who worked so hard with me throughout the whole process. he was such an active participant and support, i never would have been able to do it without him. between he and my mom, i was really able to have the birth experience i wanted and prepared for for months.

whoo. so long.

as a reward here's elsie receiving her first christmas present:

now that i have the birth story down maybe someday i'll start blogging about stuff again. elsie is the perfect baby. nursing has been a little bit of a nightmare (you name a nursing problem/illness, i've had it), but hopefully things are starting to look up in that area.

kiss kiss.

if you were wondering

2011-12-22T17:27:00.002-07:00

i'm still pregnant.

when you're sad that you have a christmas birthday baby, i'm going to point you to this blog post and say I DID EVERYTHING I COULD. clary sage, accupressure points, walking walking walking, bouncing a birth ball, repeat.

ready when you are.

waiting game

2011-12-13T17:27:00.002-07:00

i know that my situation is not unique or anything. i also know my due date is 6 days away. i also know that many women are pregnant for 42 weeks or more, so i should just chill out.

but 39 weeks has marked the beginning of super fussy pregnant alison phase.

so ready for baby to just come already.

this waiting around has started to take its toll. i need more things to do to distract me. all of the "natural" methods of induction have amounted to nothing, so i should just settle down because obviously baby is going to come when she's good and ready.

i guess she takes after her mother-- i could do that but nahhh i'll take a nap instead. or watch friday night lights. she probably has netflix streaming in the womb and is in no rush at all. don't blame her i guess. labor doesn't sound all that awesome on her end either.

all i want for christmas is a baby and snow.

throw me a bone mother nature.

one year

2011-12-08T16:51:00.001-07:00

i know i know. i missed the anniversary post. that's because i was busy out celebrating my anniversary. though being 9 months pregnant isn't exactly what i'd envisioned for our magical first anniversary, it was a pretty great night. shopping, lights at temple square, fancy marriott hotel, burgers, fries and coke, wedding cake for breakfast, you name it. it was a dreamy weekend.

(our only photo from anniversary weekend. after a year of marriage it still takes us 100 tries to get a couple picture we sort of like.)

2011 was easily the happiest year of my life, and the year i think i grew up the most. i know it's cliche to say, but when talking about love it's hard not to be cliche. especially with the pending arrival of our first baby, i realize every day how lucky i am to be married to this man.

weston is seriously the most patient, loving, caring person i have ever known.

being pregnant for the majority of our first year of marriage was not something we planned on exactly, but we will both tell you that we wouldn't have it any other way. we've learned to really rely on each other and were given a much-needed perspective-shift.

i've really learned how much i absolutely need weston. i feel like a half to a whole. the other night when i was having some stronger contractions (baby is such a tease) i panicked until i could hear him talking to me and scratching my back, reassuring me.

i can't formulate a complete thought apparently, so this post feels a little fragmented, but marriage is tops, guys. weston is my family. he's the only person in the world i don't get tired of. at the end of the night, i'm so happy that i have him to talk to, to laugh with, to dance for me, to be with, to beat at tetris (kidding he's tetris master right now).

weston is somebody who is constantly looking for ways to improve and grow, and he pushes me to do the same in the most subtle and gentle of ways.

i love you wes. we are masters (haha) at marriage now so let's have this baby.

(hear that baby?? whenever you're ready.)

2011-12-02T10:44:00.003-07:00

this video has brought me so much joy in the last two days.

if someone told me weston arntsen choreographed this, i wouldn't be at all surprised.

kiss kiss.

2011-11-29T20:48:00.003-07:00

i don't know why i posted that last photo on the world wide web.

it's pretty representative of how the last few weeks of pregnancy have made me feel. i don't sleep at all (GOOD WARM UP FOR WHEN I HAVE A BABY RIGHT??). i rarely stray out of my uniform of oversized t-shirt and leggings (as flattering as it sounds). i spend a lot of time on this couch. the only thing missing is the bowl of cold cereal i am constantly consuming.

to top it off, on saturday night i woke up violently ill. i spent the hours of 1:45 a.m. - 3 :45 a.m. throwing up and such, having strong contractions, and freaking my husband out.

but then this morning, miracle of miracles,i woke up feeling like i owned the world. i felt awesome. i woke up early and had the most productive day i've had in weeks. i ran a lot of errands, finally got my name changed in all the right places (just in time for our one-year anniversary), brewed some red raspberry leaf tea, worked, organized the "nursery" (still a loosely used term. it doesn't look anything like a nursery), health insurance stuff, you name it. i'm so grateful for this burst of energy. it was definitely needed.

i'm so excited to get on to this next stage of my life. the last month of pregnancy is such a weirdin-between waiting time.

an in-between waiting time in which i could really use some cat-company...

2011-11-20T23:49:00.002-07:00

real maternity photos: 36 weeks

-glasses because my contacts are so old and ridiculous i can't see anything with them and only wear them for vanity reasons. vanity does not exist once i'm in the apartment.

-holding my arms above my head because baby smashes my lungs and this is the easiest way for me to breathe.

-cute haaair

-weston's shirt

-on the couch

-chubby face

-haven't slept in weeks face

-awesome softest blanket

-computer screen reflection in my glasses of friday night lights.

-there's no way in h i'm posting a full body shot.

what is missing from this picture is a smile. i'm probably not smiling because i probably couldn't breathe at the time. don't let that fool you. i am legitimately so happy and excited to meet baby.

all things considered, pregnancy has not been a bad trip for me, for which i am eternally grateful. aside from the occasional heartburn, general discomfort, taking 3x longer to switch positions, and the complete inability to sleep, stuff has been pretty smooth sailing this last trimester.

i've also retired from two of my three jobs. i am no longer working at the alpine center, and i finished all five seasons of friday night lights.

it's pretty wild to think i only work from home now. i will not miss the alpine center at all, and i think i might actually take up cooking real food for myself and weston. i'm a little nervous because i need to find a way to be productive until baby is born.

luckily a lot of baby preparation still has to go down, so i should be plenty busy. i'm also planning on soaking up the last days of total down time i'll have in my life maybe. i plan on doing this by napping a lot and maybe by starting friday night lights over. coach and tammy taylor = best married couple on television amiright?? texas forever.

i'm going to be a MOM guys.

i'm so excited.

2011-11-02T12:20:00.002-06:00

new archer's apple video/song! love this one.

they're trying to finish up their full-length album. they've paid for all the recording, but need a little help to mix it and put the finishing touches on it. check out their kickstarter if you're interested in helping out!

so we've entered my last full month of not being a mom.

6-7 weeks guys.

stuff's about to get real.

womp womp

2011-10-13T22:28:00.000-06:00

sometimes having a baby inside you makes you a really big baby.

special thanks to weston and amanda for listening to me and not treating me like a total crazy person.

especially weston. poor weston. who is so sweet and perfect but is probably also thinking "you're crying again?"

whatever, guys. that's what the economy size nutella is for.

i need a cat with this face
with the soul of albus.

i would feed it fancy feast out of a crystal bowl.

tomorrow is friday.
friday friday friday

2011-10-11T20:19:00.004-06:00

real tired of that picture greeting me every time i look at this thing.

so look at this instead!

wes' band, the archer's apple, put out a new video this week. pretty dreamy stuff.

in the way of updates, pregnancy is going well. i'm a freak out and am pretty sure i'm going in to pre-term labor at any given moment of the day. nope. baby's still kicking (literally) inside.

working two jobs is starting to wear on me. i live for the weekends and then they're gone SO FAST. it's nice to be busy though. right??

all i really want to do is watch felicity.

all day long.

the great unveiling

2011-10-05T21:18:00.004-06:00

okay guys.

i've had a few requests for this.

and what can i say, i'm a pleaser.

taking maternity photos is rough. after 5 minutes with photo booth this is the best i could come up with:

me at 29 weeks. say hi baby.

(thought the vignetting made up for the lack of nekkidness in terms of maternity pictures)

you're welcome. i thought i might as well do it now before i am HUGE, a point that feels not so far away because i seriously get bigger everyday.

pregnancy has been kind of a funny journey for me. i've always been someone who knew i'd have children SOMEDAY, but i never really thought about it much beyond that. the day i found out i was pregnant was crazy town. i'd been praying and wondering what i was supposed to do with my life post-graduation. going to grad school didn't feel right anymore, i hated my job (still do. i run the place now. another story for another time), and i had no idea what i wanted to do with my life. so i kept asking Heavenly Father for something to give me some direction.

He was like, "oh you want something to do? okay here's a baby." and i was like "whaaaaaa????!!!" though i didn't really have a life plan, what little of it i did have for the next two years was thrown completely out the window. i freaked. i was going to be a mom. me. alison. alison who talks to her 3-year-old nephew the same way she talks to anyone else. alison who panics when people hand her a baby to hold. alison whose diet consists of quesadillas, pb&j, pizza, and mac and cheese. alison who has never thought about motherhood except in a very vague, far off distance future way. alison who is grossed out by pregnancy and labor/delivery.

all of those alisons. anyway it took me a few months to wrap my mind around the idea. after awhile though, it became apparent for so many reasons that this was exactly what was supposed to happen for wes and i when it did.

at the second ultrasound, where we actually got to see baby and her perfect nose and perfect mouth and perfect everything i was suddenly SO excited to meet her. i was so impatient. so happy that this little person was going to come into our lives in the next few months. so amazed that an actual baby was living and growing inside of me. so grateful for the way she's already bonded wes and i and caused me to step outside myself just a little bit more.

anyway. a lot of feelings. a lot of blog posts i've thought about. like how excited i am baby is a girl and how important it is to me that she grows up knowing what that REALLY means not what everything and everyone else might tell her it means.

so all of the sleeplessness, throwing up, acne, facial hair (ew), and looking at my body thinking "when did that happen?" aside, being pregnant has been pretty nice. though i don't LOVE pregnancy and i'm way more excited to actually hang out with baby than i am to carry her inside me, i'm grateful for where i am and what i have right now.

just some more weeks. 11. hopefullymaybelessthan11.

2011-09-23T10:23:00.002-06:00

last night i watched the business of being born.

and now i'm like HELL YEAH NATURAL CHILDBIRTH!

might need someone to remind me of that when i'm actually in the middle of it.

hypnobirthing classes start in a few weeks!

2011-09-22T10:16:00.002-06:00

Wilco - I Might by ListenBeforeYouBuy

hi, wilco.

thanks so much for making good music.

baby loves you too. probably.

she better because i'm forcing her to wear this

kiss kiss,

alison

2011-09-14T11:51:00.003-06:00

relevant for a number of reasons
-she is so cool.
-really been wanting to 'get out of this country' lately with weston.
-reminds me of my freshman year of college.
-sometimes i'm really glad i'm not a freshman in college.
-freshman year of college took place in rexburg, id.
-we're going to rexburg this weekend.
-i'm gonna see some bears.

allergies

2011-09-12T21:15:00.000-06:00

make a 10-hour work day feel like a 24832908402394-hour work day.

can't wait to quit job 1.

job 2 is going great by the way. i write about diet pills.

i'm going to make this tonight, and tomorrow morning my house is going to smell like a magical wonderland of vanilla and pears.

assuming i figure out how to use the crock pot.

2011-09-11T21:21:00.002-06:00

somedays i get real anxious to meet the little person that's going to fit into these onesies i've started buying.

bangs

2011-09-08T21:56:00.004-06:00

the time came guys.
we all knew it would.

i mean look at this:

bang grow-out DISASTER.
(cotton candy dream)

i'm just not meant to be a beachy-wave-middle-part-bangless beauty. i look like i'm balding.

you win zooey deschanel.

it was a long and treacherous road, but in the end i feel i made the right decision.
the bangs are back.
(unfortunately so is the pregnancy acne.* hence the coverage)

*add that to the list of things that i can blame on pregnancy that probably would happen anyway.

so what if milk chocolate dove bars are my life force right now

2011-09-08T09:50:00.003-06:00

midwife: have you noticed any changes in your appetite lately?
me: um... no not really. i get fuller faster i guess.
midwife: hmm.. you get fuller faster.. hmm...
me: ....
midwife: you know you've gained 5 pounds in the last 3 weeks?
me: ....
midwife: ....
me: ................................

SORRY I'M JUST GROWING A BABY OVER HERE.
watch those pointing fingers lady you're not exactly wasting away yourself.

this guy.

2011-09-07T13:29:00.004-06:00

is the best. at everything ever.

he comforted me through the albus crisis and every humane society commercial/cat in the back of a car/kitties running around by walmart trauma in the past four days.

then he threw me the best birthday weekend ever. shopping (though admittedly, this part isn't much of a chore for him), fancy foods (can we get a side of fries with our mashed potatoes and mac and cheese?), dreamy night at sundance (looking at stars on our porch outside our room, fluffy white down comforters), food, flowers, party, jewelery, you name it.

he even danced for me at the dance party. that's love guys.

took this photo a year ago on my birthday right after he proposed to me.

boy am i glad he did.

2011-09-01T11:18:00.002-06:00

our albus kitty died last night.
he was the world's most perfect cat.
we're going to miss him a lot.

bffs

2011-08-31T12:05:00.000-06:00

well if this doesn't just warm your heart...
easy there, holli.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2011-08-30T10:43:00.008-06:00

just read over an e-mail i sent my boss...

"Thank you for all of your help! I think I'm starting to get the hang of this. I'm definitely enjoying it! I posted my reviews to the two websites listed. I think the next reviews will go much more quickly!"

when did i become so okay with exclamation points??
reading that makes me want to punch myself in the face.
baby brings out my pep i guess.

finally got the internet at home

2011-08-29T23:25:00.002-06:00

but computer time just isn't the same without this one

and...........

2011-08-23T14:22:00.001-06:00

you guys are a tough crowd to please.
whatever i don't need your comment validation. i'm too busy and important for blogging.
i'm a grown up, nerds.

examples:
i listen to talk radio (at night this is the best, funniest thing in the world.)
i took care of car insurance stuff today.
i made a decision and ordered internet for our apartment.
i have TWO JOBS.
i THOUGHT about getting a new windshield so i could register my three-months-past-due car.
i'm countering every sip of coke for three sips of water. so responsible.
i read books in the cart while my husband golfs. practically geriatric over here.
i check out books from the library (as a result i'm well-versed in polygamy. ask me anything. i'm just a socially aware adult.)

soon to be added:
i put all of our clothes away into a dresser that isn't broken.
i organized our bedroom so it doesn't resemble how our bedrooms both looked when we were 15. i'm assuming anyway, i didn't go in weston's room when he was 15. he had the sha sha ben kweller poster though. wish we had that element of it.
i took the plastic "happy birthday" tablecloth from weston's birthday off our card table/kitchen table and replaced it with a fancy one.

next week i turn 24. i'm totally ready.
(birthday list coming soon okay don't worry!)
(but this ring is a start....)

talented friends

2011-08-17T15:29:00.002-06:00

i spend a decent amount of time wishing i was artistic.
what i lack, i make up for by living vicariously through very talented friends.
i've been wanting to give a public shout out to brooklyn for awhile. but wasn't sure how best to do it.
so here it is.
check out brooklyn's art blog
art as dreamy as the person who creates it.

lately

2011-08-15T13:49:00.000-06:00

we live in springville, and we love it. our apartment is typical and clean and air-conditioned. our ward is the friendliest i've been in in ages. it's easy to get lost in the shuffle in provo family wards. especially when you have anti-social tendencies like i do. we get invites to bbqs and friendly hellos all the time in this new neighborhood. we're way happy to be where we are. even if it is sans albus.

baby is a girl! duhhhh. we're still tossing around names. we have one we like but haven't settled on yet. the ultrasound finally made the pregnancy real for weston i think. afterwards he was immediately concerned about what i was feeding the baby. but for our celebratory lunch after the ultrasound i asked if we could go to in-n-out. sorry baby. i don't get sick anymore and pregnancy is feeling pretty good except the sleeping part. i still haven't found a comfortable way to sleep through the night, but i'll adapt.

weston is supportive but hates my pregnancy books. graphic images. we're actually both pretty grossed out by them.

sorry no belly pictures. maybe eventually. but definitely not weekly. maternity photos are something i don't really get. maybe one day i will regret my lack of sentimentality. oooor maybe you'll get lucky and i'll take some nekkid/wrapped in a sheet/sitting on the bed in my undies shots of my new form. cross your fingers guys. baby would be so lucky to have such shots of me to look at when she's older.

work is the same. i can't wait to retire from this job. i may have found a work-from-home gig that will be perfect assuming i get it. if i don't get it hopefully other stuff will come up.

all of my family is in town (all siblings and nieces and nephews) for the first time in four years, and i'm loving it.

kiss kiss

oh hey guys

2011-08-09T13:02:00.003-06:00

baby is a girl!

2011-07-28T14:01:00.000-06:00

love this song and video.
i hope sayde price continues to get the attention she deserves.
i've heard some write her off as a "joanna newsom wannabe."
if by that you mean she's an excellent lyricist, actually talented at the instrument she plays, and has a unique voice, then yes.

would that we had more of that kind of wannabe and less zooey deschanel/leslie feist wannabes (love feist. don't love how everyone tries to sing like her).

cravings

2011-07-27T13:28:00.008-06:00

i eat stuff like this now.

baby wanted(wants) chocolate.

last night weston was talking about "those kinds of girls" that just sit in their room and read books, watch tv series, and never really get out and make friends. midway through the rant he stops.

i stare at him blankly.

and we both realize he is describing my life.

anna karenina is actually really good okay!

2011-07-18T13:27:00.008-06:00

i am:
pregnant
expecting

i am not:
prego
preggers

i had my first dream about baby last night. pretty wacky dream, but in it baby was a baby girl.

august 5 will tell all.

soon to come: picz from a dreamy weekend with london girls in bear lake. the best girls the best times.

oh! update on albus: he is happy living in south jordan. he has turned into an outside wild cat.

don't go albus, don't go.

2011-06-20T14:25:00.005-06:00

i'm getting legitimately depressed about my upcoming departure from albus.
especially since my mom brought up the possibility that he will run away and try to come back to us after i drop him off in south jordan. don't run away, albus! nan loves you too!

i'm so attached to this animal.
getting kind of teary-eyed.
judge me.
(sorry monet that i didn't care as much about you.)

2011-06-14T10:53:00.002-06:00

i've been putting this off until i develop my pictures from washington. that still hasn't happened. sooo suffice it to say washington was dreamy, megan's house/surrounding area in spokane/mead is BEAUTIFUL. seriously beautiful. we had a great, relaxing weekend with the fam. megan is a pretty inspring person to be around. she has dreams and actually makes them happen. wes and i both love spending time listening to/talking to her. she makes me feel like i can/should do stuff.

sasquatch was a wild time. actually it made us pretty aware of what squares we are. we were probably the most dressed people there (t-shirt and jeans). it was awesome to see the bands that we did (particularly deerhunter and wilco). we feel good about having the music festival experience, or at least a small portion of the experience since we were only there for one day. as soon as we walked up my first thought was, "this is such an easy crowd to make fun of." (hipsters at a music festival). but unlike provo hipsters, these ones were all about love, having fun, being friendly, and dancing. which was fun. this is probably because they were all totally wasted. but hey. wilco was awesome, played a really great, really LONG set. dream come true for both of us.

pictures will come someday.

in the meantime we've decided to move out of our current apartment into something a little cleaner/newer for baby. we move to springville sometime between now and july 1. we found an awesome apartment for a great deal. it's amazing how being an almost parent makes you so unconcerned with what's cool and more concerned with what's clean. the apartment is pretty non-descript but we were both dying over it. it smells new, everything is clean, a DISHWASHER, tile floors, new bathtub, new carpet! we're going to live like kings! tired of the crap that provo landlords get away with.

BUT this means albus is not coming with us. albus will be moving to south jordan to become a permanent outside wild cat. he is in for a bit of a culture shock i'm sure. many thanks to my parents for being gracious enough to host him until maybe someday we can get him back. i'm pretty sad about our impending separation. i even let him sleep on our bed last night. not happening again. stepped on my head and tried to cuddle up to my face at 2 a.m.

still barfing. still not wanting to do much of anything but sit around. we did find a group of midwives that i'm happy with. i'm hoping the "glowing" part of pregnancy that i keep hearing about isn't too far off on the horizon.

i'm in the middle of a harry potter frenzy. weston and i listened to the half-blood prince basically the whole road trip, and i remain convinced it is maybe the best book of the series. i still was a little depressed the whole day after listening to the part about dumbledore dying. now i'm listening to the order of the phoenix because it is definitely my least favorite. i think i only read it once. ANYWAY i LOVE HARRY POTTER!!!! and i can't wait for the last movie. harry potter is all i think about.

lately i've also loved being married a lot. not that i didn't before. but there have just been a series of awesome moments lately that make me perfectly content to be antisocial and spend any free time i have with weston. especially when that free time involves being sunburned and eating that magical shaved ice from spanish fork with ice cream at the bottom with w. or singing along to jets to brazil together driving back from salt lake late at night. or that he offers to do anything and everything for me because i'm the world's biggest sissy when it comes to being sick. or the way he compliments me on my expertise at making spongebob macaroni (i'm an artist). anyway. marriage is tops guys. i recommend it.

thazzz all. you're welcome. i am no good at blogging anymore.

kiss kiss.

2011-05-25T15:05:00.001-06:00

soo yeah.

totally pregnant! total surprise. the initial shock is gone i think, because obviously this was supposed to happen.
extremely overwhelming though.
i'm starting to get excited.
most of the time it doesn't feel real at all.
it's cool though, i've watched every episode of teen mom and teen mom 2 so i'm all over this mothering business.
(if anyone has tips/resources about pregnancy sans insurance give me a holla.)

weston has been a dreamboat. he makes me food and doesn't complain when all i want to do is watch LOST and eat otter pops (i hate kate less now. that's because they gave me anna lucia to hate. jack is also totally insufferable. john locke is still the best). watching this much LOST has started to make wes and i a little doomsdayish though. you just always assume the worst thing is going to happen at any given moment because that's always what happens on the show.

in other news...
we leave tomorrow for washington! we get to spend a few days with megan and her family on their farm, then we head to sasquatch. i have been SO excited about sasquatch and wanted to go for years. however, i'm a little apprehensive suddenly because a) i'm pregnant. i have no energy. b) my show tolerance has been pretty low lately, and music festivals seem to be everything i hate about shows rolled into one hot, sweaty, pushy, hipster-filled day.

BUT we're seeing wilco, which is a life goal. not to mention the decemberists and some trendy bands like best coast (meh), surfer blood, deerhunter, etc. it's also a lifetime goal to go to a music festival before i die and it's now or never. luckily weston and i are the same kind of show people so we will be waaaaay in the back sitting in the grass eating fruit snacks most of the day. that i can do.

i'm stoked about road-tripping, spending time with the knorpps who we've missed a ton, and seeing washington.

yaaaaay summer.

2011-05-24T15:22:00.001-06:00

and just when you think the "morning" sickness is gone...
you're barfing before work/during work/after work,
and craving a corn dog, fries, and lime rickey from arctic circle.

this is a pretty good representation of my life the last 4 weeks.

believe it, nerds

2011-05-22T11:13:00.002-06:00

lately

2011-05-18T12:54:00.001-06:00

-back to my anti-social roots. feels good to be back.
-we watch lost. i hate kate. i love john locke. don't say anything i'm only on the first season.
-wes makes me nachos and brownies.
-growing out bangs is the biggest test of patience/will i can think of.
-albus' summer shedding has made me start to resent him a little.
-i miss amy.
-we miss james brown.
-looking for a new place to live AGAIN by july. any suggestions for married housing that is not disgusting and might possibly let us keep albus?
-our neurotic neighbors move out in two weeks. i might be able to walk from the kitchen to the family room without being harrassed with yelling and banging.
-i'm happy. lazy and happy.

2011-05-16T14:52:00.005-06:00

Chameleon by thearchersapple

i'm usually in the middle of four books at a time.
not in a "i'm so literary i read so many books all the time" way
in a "i start books in ambitious moods and then never finish them" way.

but this weekend i finished the year of magical thinking by joan didion (started a year ago)
and the picture of dorian gray by oscar wilde (started five months ago).

now i just have the elegance of the hedgehog and the problem of pain and i'll be caught up.

AND i did all of this in the midst of a new LOST obsession.

oh hey
just over here accomplishing things.

other news: the archer's apple is now available on itunes! chickity check it out guyzzz.

2011-05-03T21:30:00.001-06:00

i have great friends.
old copy of leaves of grass by uncle walt.
my faaaavorite. dream come true.
it's perfect. thank you lauren.

i'm already staying up at night reading it, singing myself a single separate person, and planning naked YAWPing adventures in nature.

2011-04-19T19:36:00.001-06:00

too good.
the song not the picture.
combined, they are pretty representative of my mood.
loving pre-summer nights.

2011-04-18T22:39:00.005-06:00

well i hesitate to post this because i usually avoid anything too personal or heavy on a blog. i think there are more appropriate venues for that. buuuuut i'm doing it anyway. because i think it might mean something to someone at least.

SO. as you all know i graduated last year. and as you all know i have struggled with the whole "who am i what am i going to do wahhhh" thing ever since. i think it all really started in my senior seminar course when we read the feminine mystique. mostly because it brings into question how women (or anyone really) define themselves, where they find their identity. it was proposed that many women relied only on their roles as wife and mother and the duties and obligations that came with that as their only source of identity and worth, leaving them feeling depressed/unfulfilled/etc. etc. anyway. i'm not going to summarize the book, and i do think a lot of sweeping generalizations are made in it. however, i also think it's something that a lot of people can relate to. i did. i could feel a little freakout forming in the back of my head saying, "yeah you are going to graduate, THEN WHAT??" i never really bothered to answer the question.

throughout the year, i feel like i've been on some kind of frantic search for myself. i need hobbies! i need a dream job! i need to be the healthiest person everrrrr! being the extremist and perfectionist that i sometimes tend to be, when i found out i couldn't be the best at any of these or that the things that interested others really did not strike a chord with me, i'd immediately give up. i would consider myself a failure and come to the end of another month with nothing to show for it but having watched six seasons of gilmore girls and the ability to eat pizza every other day.

i scour blogs. i obsess over blogs. i read blogs of shiny happy people making perfect crafts, finding perfect thrifted outfits, dressing perfectly, eating perfectly, doing perfect things with their husband, and taking perfect pictures. of course i spent most of my time criticizing and making fun of most of these blogs, but i think something about them really got under my skin. i had to be the girl making beautiful, organic meals. i had to decorate my house. i had to wear a new outfit everyday. whatever. these were the places i looked for a new identity. i compared myself not to actual people but to how people portrayed themselves on the internet. even though i was pretty aware of what i was doing i couldn't stop.

i've tried to identify myself for seriously a year by whether or not i'm a student, what i wear, what i eat, how 'artistic' i am, what songs i listen to, what job i have, what classes i should take, how much i exercise among other things. not surprisingly, i keep coming up short. i am consistently unhappy with myself and am convinced that my life needs some huge overhaul which i am too overwhelmed to ever undertake.

with the help of my husband, it is really only now that i'm realizing what the answer is. it's the answer i had when i first read the feminine mystique and had since forgotten in all the panic and confusion.

i am a daughter of God. i have worth i have so many talents and gifts that He has given me and that i have yet to find out about. the only overhaul my life needs is a spiritual one. i need to start reading my scriptures, having meaningful prayer, attending the temple, being grateful, and serving not because i "have" to or because i will be a bad member of the Church if i don't, but because i can't afford not to. i can't afford to skip out on revelation. on acknowledging and being grateful for everything i've already been given. on feeling love from Heavenly Father and Christ. on using the Atonement to fill in the gaps where i fall short.

that is how i can be a good wife, a good friend, a good daughter, and a good sister.

after that, i think everything falls into place. all of the hobbies, jobs, interests, whatever i'm supposed to do and whatever i do end up liking will take the place they are supposed to in how i view myself, in how i structure my identity. they are valuable and important, but they are secondary.

a lot of you are probably thinking "well duh alison" and i agree. but between all of the searching and wallowing in self-pity i honestly lost sight of what is real and important. we've all been there.

i don't know if that seems anti-climactic. like i was supposed to have some eat pray love moment or something. but realizing this and making this my starting point has brought me the most peace i've felt in what feels like ages.

again, i share this embarrassing (blogs ruined my life? really?) only because i think someone can relate to it. not necessarily blog obsession, but the feeling of looking in the wrong places for ultimate fulfillment and focusing too much on what we don't have rather than what we do. we always have that station in mind. when we get there THEN our life will be perfect. when we get married, when we get that degree, when we find the job, when we learn how to like vegetables, when we take that yoga class, when we have a baby, when we go to india and meditate for four hours everyday, that will be it. i think we've all experienced the panic of reaching that destination and still feeling like, "now what?" without Christ and the Gospel at the center of our lives, i think that feeling might be continual for some. having our priorities where they should be can help to ease the panic and worry of the journey of figuring out what we need to. it doesn't mean there won't be some uncertainty, and there won't be sad/bad/hard times.

i just think it makes it a lot more manageable.

and after this year i've learned it's a lot more than just a nice idea to live the Gospel. it's the only way.

i feel like this ending is kind of falling short of what i had in mind for this post, but i think the message is still there.

kiss kiss.

sweet, sweet relief

2011-04-13T22:14:00.010-06:00

for energy infinite mazarin

oh hey new best friend.

the last couple of weeks have been so miserable. here's to no more sleepless nights, no more sneezing attacks, and no more trying to improv for lack of kleenex when caught unaware (my poor poor nose, my poor poor sleeves, and my poor poor husband) (kidding) (sort of).

2011-04-12T10:02:00.000-06:00

1. arcade fire was unbelievable last night. my 16 year old self right up to my 23 year old self ate it UP. they played the perfect set, giving funeral so much love. i was so happy, bouncing around like an idiot the entire show yelling the wrong lyrics into the girl in front of me's ear. you're welcome. loved it. one more band to scratch off the "bands i have to see before i die" list. it's shrinking. i think all that's left is wilco and joanna newsom.
2. as a result of my insane display last night i woke up this morning feeling like a total wreck. my body hasn't been subjected to that much physical exertion in ages.
3. my allergies have reached a ridiculous point.
4. i should have known a spontaneous haircut appointment beginning with me asking the hairdresser if she'd ever seen my life as liz was a bad idea.
5. i could eat the buffalo wing pizza from slab everyday of my life maybe.

quit these pretentious things and just punch the clock

2011-04-11T15:29:00.001-06:00

dear job that is out there waiting for me and is the reason i keep getting rejected from every job i've applied for in the last year,

SHOW YOURSELF.

kiss kiss,
alison

staying positive. maybe i'm a little bit relieved that i didn't get another receptionist job.
i am going to find a job i actually like.
that likes me back.

when one door closes another one opens and all that.

2011-04-07T11:13:00.004-06:00

california sunrise dirty gold

listening to this song this morning had me wishing i was here:

might have to settle for watching the OC/laguna beach in my swimsuit WHILE IT SNOWS OUTSIDE instead.

2011-04-05T14:56:00.002-06:00

summertime blues eddie cochran

2011-04-05T12:40:00.001-06:00

blah
blah
blog.

2011-03-25T15:24:00.000-06:00

the next time around little joy

to be honest:
i'm pretty attached to my cat.

in which i blah blah blah some more about myself.

2011-03-23T14:57:00.001-06:00

you know, i didn't used to think that writing creatively was hard.
i used to be obsessed with poetry. i went to poetry slams almost every saturday at a coffee house in downtown salt lake for the last two years of high school.
i wrote a lot and had confidence in what i wrote. i was passionate about it.
now it's so intimidating to me.

it's been three years probably since i've written a poem?
i don't know if it was a case of big fish little pond syndrome. probably.
i met so many great writers at byu and decided that creative writing was not for me and i should no longer pursue it.

i remember how happy and alive i felt in the lake district walking through wordsworth's house on national poetry day and being like YES! POETRY YES! I KNOW WHAT I WANT TO DO WITH MY LIFE! that was seriously an all-caps day.

how lame to get intimidated and give up! for some reason lately i've had the mentality that unless i'm an expert, i shouldn't try. it's really limiting me.

i think i'm going to write again. probably won't be posting here because blogs have become too public for bad poems.

this probably isn't blog-worthy or anything. it's just what's on my mind, and it's me saying i am remembering things i used to be passionate about and i'm going to start trying to be alison again instead of alison-receptionist-i-hate-my-job-and-i-eat-bad-food.

because whiney i-don't-know-what-to-do-with-myself-without-the-validation-of-school alison is starting to get real old.

AM I RIGHT?

and now an inspirational photograph:

rDtriPpN

2011-03-22T11:29:00.000-06:00

no one does it like you department of eagles

ready for road trip season.

receptionist.

2011-03-21T16:00:00.003-06:00

"oh are you the girl that always sounds like she has a cold on the phone?"

i almost bought a gym pass today.
that's the level of crazy i reached.

from scratch, okay??

2011-03-20T20:33:00.000-06:00

guys. like not to brag or anything, but i'm seriously the perfect wife.

look at your life, look at your choices

2011-03-17T15:12:00.001-06:00

sometimes i look at what i'm wearing, and i think about how much my 15-year-old self would have made fun of me.

lace up boots?
unhooded sweatshirts?
high-waisted jeans?
NATURALLY DRIED, UNCURLED HAIR??!

also maybe something along the lines of...
YOU STILL HAVE ACNE?

this blog becomes less interesting every day

2011-03-16T12:03:00.009-06:00

get out of my life, woman Q'65

but wouldn't it be nice if i actually got the job i just applied for?
where i would be writing and would never ever have to deal with customer service?
mmmmmdreams.

latest obsession.

2011-03-09T13:47:00.010-07:00

posted this awhile ago. it's a beautiful video, and it piqued my interest in super 8 film and cameras.

but today after watching this video on my friend's sister's blog i entered a super 8 frenzy. reminiscent of the holga fever of spring 2010. suddenly i have to have a super 8 camera. i'm currently looking around and trying to learn more about them. i've entered some sort of mania about it.

hello beautiful.

i have a problem.

someday i'm going to disappear, and years later i will be found in my house buried under my hoarder's collection of film cameras i only sort of know how to operate.

balance

2011-03-08T00:33:00.002-07:00

magpie to the morning neko case

i keep the last post for posterity's sake.
but to counteract the downer factor...
some pictures of my cat.
and a pretty pretty song.

attacking james.

amanda marie

2011-02-24T09:27:00.002-07:00

let's talk about my favorite person in the world besides my husband.

amanda marie. bffs since age 10.

amanda and ali. chicasomething and gymnastar. punkitup07 and cheerupemokid14. mrsbradpitt1 and puka_shells14.

bffs through the progression of every screenname i've ever had. if that doesn't show true friendship i don't know what does.

and now a photo essay of our love:

before high-waisted things were back in fashion.

this is the cheerupemokid14 punkitup07 phase if you couldn't tell by my armband.

yeah yeah yeahs circa 2006

our second annual bear world road trip

just being hip with close-lipped smiles.

no one can bring me to tears of laughter more quickly than she can. she is the greatest listener to ever exist. so non-judgemental and offers great perspective. she's responsible for me getting into good music back in the day (even though good music back in the day was something corporate and the get up kids) and have had the same musical progression since. we craft things sometimes and overspend on food we think is healthy just because it comes from whole foods.

we are the same person. have the same sense of humor, the same reactions, the same ability to never ever get sick of noodles and co, the same tendency towards paralyzing anxiety in most social situations.

i have no writing ability whatsoever. so kiss kiss amanda. i don't know what i would do without you.

a glacier's patience

2011-02-17T12:52:00.004-07:00

this tornado loves you neko case

i want these.
i went running the other day. just about killed me. by running of course you know i mean trotting/mostly walking/exercise-induced asthma.
i'm looking for a new job. i don't know what because i don't know what i want to do.
neko case and arcade fire brought me out of my bitterness towards music.

i don't really have much to report i mostly just wanted to post the glasses and the song.
i think i'm going to write again on this blog. i'm running out of pictures of weston to post. NOT. there are infinite pictures of weston.
but i am going to write more.

there you go something to look forward to.

happy valentine's day

2011-02-14T12:56:00.002-07:00

when u love somebody fruit bats

if me using my blog to talk about how perfect my husband is is going to cause you angst then feel no obligation to read on.

because my husband is perfect. he is my best friend. he is a babe. he is patient. he is hilarious. he is kind. he is unbelievably talented. and he is impossible not to love.

i love you the most.

waking up next to you everyday makes me feel like a million bucks.

albus

2011-02-08T23:25:00.003-07:00

little tiger jason collett

the newest member of our family

weston's face is pretty indicative of the joy we all feel.

2011-02-04T12:50:00.005-07:00

don't you evah spoon

this morning i made myself a bowl of oatmeal. put some mangoes on it. SO HEALTHY RIGHT. i reach up to get the brown sugar and out comes the olive oil. onto my bowl. both smashed. oil, oatmeal, and mangoes everywhere. this is what healthy attempts do to me.

in other news all this lo-fi chill stuff is nice and cute but give me something with substance music world.

bands like wild nothing, best coast, tennis, etc etc are all one song bands for me. they have one or two great songs that are so catchy and awesome. but one catchy song does not a solid album make. pretty boring stuff after awhile.

this rant c/o me buying the wild nothing album on a whim and almost immediately regretting it. maybe i'm speaking too soon.

also i want to go to a good, solid show. sufjan was months ago.

yadda yadda

no one cares.

but you care about how my kitchen floor is probably still really oily right?? right.

pffft!

2011-02-03T11:25:00.002-07:00

soak it up houses

if i had a persian cat i would never stop laughing.

2011-02-02T00:30:00.008-07:00

nova-leigh born ruffians
found some chex mix in a drawer.
wore the same sweater for 1 1/2 days.
man walking across the street talking to the vacuum he was cradling.
ordering josh ritter vinyl (re-release of the animal years? don't mind if i do.)
finding out the banding on my photos is probably walgreen's fault.
flowers waiting for me when i got home.
watching british tween movies with amandapants.
and the missing link to this blog: photoboooooth

hipster smirks!

happy end of january!

i mean who are these people raising collin?

2011-02-01T13:21:00.005-07:00

this i dedicate to my dear sister.

2011-01-31T12:01:00.011-07:00

gotta cheer up cotton jones

i need new shoes.
these ones would be nice.
with or without the pixelation.

2011-01-28T11:21:00.002-07:00

oh yoko! john lennon

word vomit

2011-01-27T10:43:00.005-07:00

(seriously dreamy song)

ever have one of those days (weeks months) where everything you say falls completely flat? but you just can't stop TALKING, commenting on everything, offering useless anecdotes, and laughless jokes because you have to try to make up for the last thing you said? the panic builds and builds but you just can't stop trying to claw your way back to some level of dignity?

marie antoinette

2011-01-25T11:27:00.003-07:00

ceremony new order

maybe i've watched this movie twice in three days.

2011-01-24T12:27:00.001-07:00

tore it UP at nickel city.

ticket count: 983

2011-01-21T11:51:00.003-07:00

truth alex ebert

if i could i'd go back and give every person a piece of gum that asked me for one.
even if it was the last piece.
nobody likes people who are stingy with their gum.

today i am

2011-01-20T12:17:00.007-07:00

don't want to get over you magnetic fields

loving this song.
hating my hair.
thinking people who laugh at your jokes are the best kind of people.
trying to enunciate.
wondering about grad school.
resolving to be a nicer.
wishing this girl lived in provo because she is my everything.

jealousy

2011-01-19T11:10:00.006-07:00

start of something voxtrot

(this song is just a little walk down nostalgia way that a mix in my cd player threw at me this morning. oh senior year of high school and angsty freshman year of college. your songs were so catchy without being electronic. i miss you. come back.)

i know this isn't my news to share but it's too hilarious to me.

see here my brother and sister-in-law. (and their beautiful child abi who loves me sometimes who i love all the times)

they spoke in church a few weeks ago. after said talks, a generous member of the congregation bestowed this gift upon them:

HAHAHAHA what???

just a glimpse into their future maybe? geriatric david and maida?

why are people not drawing portraits of ME in church?

if no one else thinks this is funny i know at least ashley bright will. too bad she doesn't read blogs.

you're welcome

2011-01-18T14:00:00.006-07:00

oh hey. just noticed that my blog has now become a food diary. little obsessive over here.

toning it down.

married life is lovely by the way. i have a big crush on weston, and even though he thinks he looks like a neo nazi with his buzzed head, i think he looks nice. it's a shame i see him like twice a week but hey. keeps the romance and mystery alive right? we work at opposite times and w has hobbies. i think i need to start a band.

things on my mind today:

-i want my bangs to be grown out NOW. i just cut them three weeks ago.

-is diet coke going to kill me?

-weston and i went insane last night due to lack of sleep because our upstairs neighbors insist on smoking a bowl or two and partying on weekdays rather than weekends. we were exhausted. i ended up trying to sleep on the couch and he left the house at 2:30 a.m. to buy a fan and some neosporin. what?

-other than that i really love our new apartment. i'm very happy we moved.

-let's move to europe for the summer.

-i need to write thank you notes. to everyone who gave us gifts i promise i'm grateful. i'm also incredibly tacky and embarrassed that it is taking me this long to get this done.

-i think i'm more social as a married person than i ever was as a single person. this comes from marrying a social butterfly. not a gay joke. unfortunately this new found social-ness of mine clashes horribly with my lack of most people skills. working on it.

-sleeeeeeeeep

in which i begin my career as a culinary artist

2011-01-17T13:25:00.003-07:00

good intentions paving company joanna newsom

look guys.

i made something. mangoes and sweet sticky rice. it was delicious. granted the first thing i've made in months and months possibly a year or so was incredily easy and every serving is about 900 calories but hey. baby steps. baby steps to cooking.

here we are smugly enjoying our exotic treat whilst viewing the hills season 1.

just a preview of many great things to come i'm sure.

!!!!!!!!

2011-01-14T14:11:00.008-07:00

yacht psychic city

it's friday!

this song makes me wish it were summer!

i love our new digs!

i cook stuff!

my husband is growing a mustache!

fridayfridayfriday!

battle

2011-01-12T13:44:00.004-07:00

after reading this (a stranger's blog. friend of a friend of a friend or whatever. you know how it is. linking a stranger's blog is flattering not creepy, right?)

i sent the link to a friend who said this:

"HA HA HA, this could not have been more timely because I was just writing you an email about how I am a child and ate a cookie for breakfast and a peanut butter and jelly sandwhich with applesauce for lunch and felt like I was really accomplishing things."

my last two days of eating:

yesterday:

breakfast: all bran

lunch: mini reese's peanut butter cup

dinner: ramen noodles and applesauce

other dinner: little caeser's

today:

breakfast: odwalla superfood juice smoothie

lunch: apple and maybe seven (BROWN AND UNSALTED) rice cakes

balance and self control may not be my strong points.

I'M GOING TO DIIIIIIIIIIIE

you're the tops

2011-01-10T11:51:00.002-07:00

walking on a dream empire of the sun

someweeks (like the last one) it is probably challenging to be married to me. i was certifiably insane.

this one handles it like a champ.

house number three in two months here we come.

wednesday

2011-01-05T12:31:00.005-07:00

let's go surfing drums

i could drink simply orange by the gallon.

i out of the blue decided to sell our contract and move

lots of interests no takers

don't have a new place picked out.

i bought new socks, and there is seriously nothing better than new socks

besides simply orange.

i miss my music snob hobby.

i need recipes.

it's time to give up being a gossip girl/mean girl/deaf mute.

new year new me

"here comes a wave," sybil said nervously.

"we'll ignore it. we'll snub it," said the young man. "two snobs."

via

2011-01-04T10:17:00.005-07:00

but seriously,

where would i be without every last one of these ladies?

p.s. megan did such a fantastic job with our wedding photos! i couldn't be more pleased with them. check a sampling out on her blog.

blog neglect

2011-01-03T16:50:00.003-07:00

Sorry guys.

It's been a wild month. I'm not one for re-caps really, so we'll settle for:

-The holidays were great, spent with my family in SoJo. Spoiled. W got me a real film camera that I'm stoked about.

-Visit to Kingwood, TX was dreamy. I loved seeing where W. grew up. Beautiful place. Fun times with family and friends.

-Our current housing situation is 100 years old and smells like cat pee. Two things I battle on a daily basis. I wake up everyday wanting to move and end everyday with a resolve to just make it work.

Now I need to find my routine in regular married life. Not holidays 4 wedding functions in a month married life. Hopefully this routine involves cooking more, cleaning the house, finding somewhere to put all of our clothes, etc etc.

Once upon a time I applied for a job as an assitant on an academic radio program at BYU. It paid well and my job would be to research the scholars interviewed on the program, read their writings, and write questions for the show. Oh hey dream job. Oh hey somewhere where my skills and degree are applicable. I did not get said job. But it gave me hope that I can find a job that I feel is worth my effort. I miss research. I miss learning. I miss being academic and feelings somewhat interesting because at least I was being exposed to interesting ideas. I'm currently on a hunt for a job/hobby/anything something to bring this back into my life.

It's a pretty passive hunt due to my extreme laziness. Turns out my love for academia also means I won't do much unless I'm motivated by a grade. Working on that.

Two resolutions:

-eat healthier. I have nowhere to go but up with this one.

-start on getting my yoga teacher certification. The first step in this process is going to yoga classes 3 times a week.

Pictures to come from my new camera. Hopefully they are not all blurs. I think I got a little optimistic with my indoor shots.

kiss kiss 2011.

mrs.

2010-12-08T09:38:00.006-07:00

last weekend was nothing short of perfect, which is due entirely to our wonderful family and friends.

there's a lot of pictures to post and a lot to say.

but for now we'll just go with marriage is seriously the best, and suddenly i'm starting to understand all of those ridiculous blogs where all the writer does is brag about her husband.

i'm a lucky, lucky mrs.

three days

2010-11-30T11:40:00.001-07:00

opie's funeral song sufjan stevens

you make it beautiful, friend

you make it worth it, to the end.

2010-11-29T09:18:00.001-07:00

someone please just knock me out until friday morning.

loss

2010-11-19T12:28:00.007-07:00

more of this vetiver

(possible candidate for wedding playlist)

i lost my digital camera. suggestions for a new one appreciated.

i'm toying with the idea of getting this one.

i'm pretty bummed because i feel digital cameras are a must and having to buy a new one slows up my process of saving for/buying these two loves of my life:

guess it's just going to be my worst enemy diana and me for now.

wa wa.

2010-11-17T16:13:00.003-07:00

maybe i ate my weight in hummus today.

an improvement from yesterday's lunch of a fun size snickers and laffy taffy?

eating has never stressed me out more in my life than it has in the last year. i feel like i know nothing about feeding myself. when i walk into the produce section at the grocery store i'm like a stranger in a strange land.

my grocery list in the last year has been almost exclusively:

spongebob macaroni

bran flakes

spinach

mini carrots

apples

applesauce

tortillas

cheese

peanut butter m&ms

...i'm 5?

unrelated to the last post

2010-11-16T14:57:00.002-07:00

walk through a cloud the donkeys

but this is a nice song.

tuesday

2010-11-16T14:30:00.002-07:00

i have to make a playlist for my reception.

ONLY THE MOST IMPORTANT PLAYLIST OF MY LIFE. right??!

suggestions appreciated.

monday

2010-11-15T15:23:00.008-07:00

pretty city

pretty snow

pretty song.

p.s.

2010-11-12T10:57:00.001-07:00

I'M GETTING MARRIED IN THREE WEEKS OKAY

2010-11-12T10:29:00.007-07:00

let me tell you about bad decisions and why i'm going to be obese

i wake up this morning at mackenzie's. one of the reasons i never sleep over at people's houses is because i like routines and my night/morning routines are greatly disrupted when i am at another home. obviously. i've figured out a nice system though and sleeping at mackenzie's has been great. still haven't figured out a breakfast system though.

anyway wake up this morning blahblahblah don't do my hair blahblahblah same shirt three days in a row blahblahblah oh mack has blush! blahblahblah. i want breakfast. breakfast to go...einstein's. i had cafe rio last night. i cannot have a bagel for breakfast. my body is going to shut down. i will drive to work and think of some healthy to go breakfast.

there's a paradise bakery by my work! they have salads right? salads for lunch = must have something healthy for breakfast. waffles...oatmeal in an oatmeal cookie bowl...$8 bowl of fruit... oooh bagel sandwich! with egg. and cheese. this is so much better than a bagel with cream cheese, right? protein and stuff... oooooh overpriced odwalla orange juice that tastes exactly like sunny d. awesome idea al. eat it fast even though it's gross! it'll be gone quicker, and you don't have to think about this awful, expensive decision you have made.

i want to die. my body hates me. i'm never eating again.

2010-11-11T12:33:00.010-07:00

405 death cab for cutie

405 (acoustic) death cab for cutie

lately the shuffle on my i-pod has been loving my high school days. throwing some brobecks, voxtrot, rilo kiley, the unicorns, bishop allen and the like my way. i'm not complaining.

in lieu of that musical mood, on one of my many long drives between salt lake and provo the other night, weston and i gave we have the facts and we're voting yes some love. and there's a lot of love to give that wonderful wonderful album.

remember the days when death cab didn't write songs for twilight movies?

come back to us fat ben gibbard! and pre-solo album of horrors chris walla!

i blame zooey deschanel-gibbard for all of this.

wednesday

2010-11-10T12:00:00.003-07:00

true love will find you in the end (daniel johnston cover) beck

you know, i'm not really hating on the snow.

just means scarves, quilts, coats, fleet foxes, pinback, twinkle lights, and hazelnut hot cocoa.

i don't really have much to say. the snow is just pretty falling outside, and i'm really digging this song today.

kiss kiss.

there's too much riding on that

2010-11-04T11:42:00.016-06:00

too much sufjan stevens

this article will give you nightmares.

no, this article is not the reason i've decided (for now) to not go to graduate school. i read it after the decision was made. the motivations the author lists do hit a little too close to home though (especially the part about academic validation and structure).

i love english, and i loved studying it. however, along with a lot of other things, reading this post by my soon to be sister-in-law had me seriously questioning what my dreams are and what i really wanted to do with my life.

going to school just because i don't know what else to do doesn't really seem like a dream of mine. being a college professor doesn't either (though some of the most influential people in my life have been my college professors, so it's something to think about). in fact, it was a conversation with one of my former professors/now friend that helped me to finally make the decision to not apply for graduate school. for now. i feel good about this decision but also of course scared out of my mind.

because i DO love the "step-by-step process of advancement toward a goal, with measured outcomes, constant reinforcement and support, and clearly defined hierarchies" of school. i've always defined myself as a student. it's where i've always excelled and where i feel i have some skill. leaving it behind and trying to find something new to do and love is intimidating and horrifying.

however, it's also exciting because i think i'm going to explore options now i wouldn't have otherwise considered.

i don't know what my dreams are, honestly.

now is as good of a time as ever to figure it out though.

if i could do ANYTHING? i would be a professional playlist maker. i will make a playlist for any and all situations in your life.

or maybe i'll blog about mine and weston's ADORABLE and ENVIOUS life as a married couple and i'll sky-rocket to internet fame ala taza-and-husband. better stop dressing like a boy-hobo.

on another note... sufjan steven's concert was absolutely mind-blowing. i really should devote a whole new post to it, but it would probably be pretty redundant (amazing! life-changing! moving! dancing!) i've always vowed to see sufjan before i die, and i think i can say that this was my favorite show i've ever been to. occasionally i think i'm tired of going to shows because i'm losing stamina to stand through three bands, i'm over people trying to out-hip each other, etc. etc. concerts like this though, keep me coming back for more. it was seriously some spiritual healing for me after all of this identity crisis and uncertainty in the past couple of weeks. very powerful, beautiful music. it was a magical night spent with some of my best friends.

sorry, that's a lot of words.

kisskiss.

2010-10-25T13:02:00.003-06:00

don't know what my rushmore is.

thinking a masters in literature may not be it.

2010-10-24T21:19:00.001-06:00

god only knows the beach boys
god only knows (the beach boys cover) ben kweller

when i'm not eating my feelings, i'm shopping them

2010-10-19T15:35:00.002-06:00

NEED

bad news

2010-10-18T16:11:00.005-06:00

turns out i'm a stress eater.

anytime anyone mentions wedding plans i go into automatic meltdown. then i decide i really deserve papa john's for dinner. coke in a bottle too maybe? we'll get a treat after.

2010-10-18T11:23:00.006-06:00

futile devices sufjan stevens

-i'm starting to love the age of adz. it took me awhile to warm up to it, but i'm getting there. november 1 cannot come soon enough.

-working on my letter of intent for grad school (working on = thinking about writing it). i think i might study modern american literature with a focus on gender studies. we'll see if i have the stomach for it. might just end up sticking with the Romantics.

-finding housing is my least favorite hobby.

-i plan to work on saying less and saying it slowly.

-i'd be lying if i said i didn't love living in my parents' basement. my clothes haven't had this much room to hang in years.

-sometimes my complete reluctance to give up the crack that is facebook hits me as the exact reason why i should give up facebook.

roommates

2010-10-15T12:27:00.011-06:00

the end of an era.

moved out of student housing. roommates no more.

from that first batch which featured temper-tantrum and computer throwing crazies, to the most perfect combination of girls in rexburg, to me dropping my ipod on holli's head from the top bunk in london, to the suicidal roommate we got kicked out and ashley moved in, to paka's house of dreams with a trampoline in the backyard. it's been an awesome four years. only two really crazy roommates in all that time. the rest, friends foreverrrrrrrrr. but seriously all of these girls changed my life and who i am in one way or another, and i'm so grateful to have had them in my life in the place and time that they all were.

i will miss the clothes swapping (though i borrow clothes from weston as much as i do from anyone else), living with people that love trash mtv as much as i do, talking about feelings, and being able to see my best friends everyday.

i will not miss the massive amounts of hair everywhere.

so now i'm living in the parent's basment apartment until december

when i get my next and last roommate.

HOTTIE!!!!